Wedding time!!!!!!!

In Kolkata last week, I attended a long awaited, huge family wedding. Rupu, my pishi (a.k.a. Dad’s cousin) who Smita and I have always been very close to, got married to Arjun. It was my first Bengali wedding and it was lots of fun. The whole affair was 3 days long and preceded by lots of preparations and shopping. Here’s a bit of a recount on what happened, from my point of view (a lot of the time I had no idea what was going on…)

 

Friday (Day .5) – In the Bengali wedding, there are tons of gifts exchanged, not just gifts from guests to the bride and groom as is typical in the U.S., but also gifts exchanged between the groom and brides’ families, for family members. Presentation is a big deal with the gifts so they’re intricately wrapped and decorated. The night before the wedding (Friday night) we were all over at Rupu’s place wrapping gifts onto trays to be sent over to the in-laws. In the end, I believe we sent 70-something trays to the grooms family in 5 cars!

House scene made of spices.

Decorating and wrapping trays of gifts with my aunt and uncle

Saturday (Day 1)- Wedding day!! On Saturday morning we went over to the wedding venue. The wedding ceremony was to take place in the evening, but in the morning there was setting up to do and some rituals amongst our family which were to happen. Mid-morning, Arjun’s family sent over their caravan of gifts, which included a sari for Rupu and some turmeric which had been used for a “bath” for Arjun. Once we received the gifts and Rupu dressed in the sari, it was the Holud Kota ceremony (“turmeric bath”) and the women in the family applied turmeric to Rupu’s face to give her a “glow”.

Trays of gifts from Arjun's family.

Rupu's "turmeric bath"

Then the evening came time for the wedding ceremonies to begin. Rupu and Arjun each sat in their own room whilst lots of the elderly family members came around to give blessings, take pictures, give gifts, etc. Eventually came time for the when Rupu sits on a small stool and is lifted and carried into the other room while covering her face with some leaves. Arjun is in the other room and Rupu (still lifted up) is circled around Arjun 7 times (I think each circle represents a “vow”). After the circling, they are brought face to face and Rupu removes the leaves. Under a canopy type thing, Rupu and Arjun exchange flower garlands.

Rupu being lifted by her brothers



Arjun and Rupu meeting under the canopy thing



At some point (not exactly sure when) Rupu’s sari is tied to Arjun’s shawl thing so they are connected together. Then they go into the room where the pooja ceremony takes place, priests from both families and Rupu’s father are there. After lots of prayers and stuff, a fire is made in the center. Again Rupu and Arjun circle around the fire together 7 times and make offerings into the fire. Then Arjun applies the ghomta (red thing in Rupu’s part) which signifies that they’re officially married!

Putting offerings into the fire

Married!

Sunday (Day 2)-The second day is about the bride’s family (my family) saying goodbye to Rupu since she will be moving to Arjun’s house. But first, in the morning, Rupu and Arjun are officially married (papers signed and all)! Then, Rupu and Arjun receive gifts and blessings from all of Rupu’s family members. The day is mostly filled (as is with most Bengali traditions) with eating, snacking, chatting, and hanging around. Then towards the evening, Arjun’s family comes and takes the couple over to his house.

Monday (Day 3)-On the last day, all the rituals were done with and it was time for the wedding reception hosted by Arjun’s family. Everyone was dressed in their best outfits and there was lots of food, chatting, an ice sculpture…On this night, I took my saree wearing up a notch wearing a heavy Gujrati saree that I borrowed from my cousin. This limited my mobility and walking capabilities, but I got lots of compliments.